We have created infinity. I will never be able to experience it. I must accept the ever shifting chaos that I dream is an alternate reality. There's no comprehending what I want from where I stand, so why bother?
My past has made my life an endless haze. I'm too young to have to live like this, this just fuels my desire further. Would I have had the autonomy to even make the choices I had made to get me to this moment? Growing up in this world I've always wanted to be digitized. It stuck on me how fun the idea was when I was younger, to actually be right there intertwined within the things that I loved playing or watching. I've let this idea grow and morph and attach new depth to itself and now it's something more complex to me, but I want it all the same. Maybe I was doomed to feel this way growing up in these decades of advancement and experimentation, I existed in the web since 6 years old, maybe earlier. There are traces of me out there consumed by time, visions of me that even I can't remember myself exist in the < online >, yet there's nothing saving my own memory because I'm just a person.
Still, I know I will long for a sense of self no matter how disconnected I am from a human life, and all that exists in this world to bring me closer to my idea is speculation and pure fantasy. I wish I could fully understand all the advancements all the technological terms, but even so I know this goal is still so far beyond what we can achieve today. I have no plans to pursue my ideas, I see myself that I would be degrading my soul to achieve something that I only assume is a higher plain of < living >. But it will never detach itself from me, regardless of how punishing it feels.